Why an average Indian dude is frustrated?

Ever wondered why an average young Indian male of Average Indian libido is unable to attract Voluptuous India babe of our modern era?

Reason 10: Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi: This single daily soap opera has turned out to be the worst nightmare of Indian men. "These docile creatures had little idea of the catastrophic consequences of this daily soap" is how our future generation will quote this deed of ours in their history textbooks.
 All I get to see these days is the petrified look on every Indian as he looks at his wife/daughter/sister/cousin being charmed by the daily-soap-alpha-males apparently taking over a crore rupee worth empire in seconds with the brink of a signature. Mihir Virani for instance, has defied all common sense and is even beyond the scope of reincarnation believers. This one soap has impaired the psyche of more innocent teens than the damage done by Rakhi Sawant’s Ideology principles Speech on Mika’s smooch.

Reason 9: Gym: Ever saw those bulky muscle popping hard core gym rats? Probably yes! They spend hours crunched into making humongous biceps etc but fail to understand that they look like size zero models below waistline. A classic case of disproportionate assets (pun intended) if you know what I mean. To top it, these dudes wear orange coloured jeans paired with silver ‘deep neck’ t-shirts that runs below their cleavage (pun intended again). Cherry on the cake is when you get to see those dudes with 48 bucks worth sunglasses walking into one of the shopping malls. For the obvious reasons, our females have no reason to fall for them.

Reason 8: More than Average Eve Teasing: We (guys as a group) seem to believe that passing comments on some random girl walking nearby is flattering to her because
(a) Apparently, it displays our confidence.
(b) This is the only way we know how to communicate the appreciation of beauty.
Guys, We got it wrong! If you don’t believe me, ask the girl for whom you wake up early morning and wait 20-60 minutes (on an average) on the same road that she walks on just to check her out.

Reason 7: Axe: This one weird smelling perfume seems to have our young male (unlike females) generation mesmerized. According to the advertisements, their range of products can make you an overnight alpha male who can instantly convince women into sleeping with them. WTF? But, in fact, it’s the opposite. The hygiene levels (perceived by women) of Indian men plummeted after Axe started their obsessive advertising campaign. On a positive note, it serves as a last minute resort for the guys who rush to meet their girlfriend(s) every evening on a location nearby girl's hostel which is the holy grail for guys interested in bird-watching or N.S.P. (Nayan Sukh Praapti). For general nerds who fail to understand this technical concept, it's similar to electron orbital where the probability of finding an electron is highest (more than 90%). This location (orbital) is called P.M.C. (Piya Milan Chauraha). 

Thankfully, A youngster from Delhi suburbs has taken an initiative by suing Axe for misleading him into buying their products for years. Rupees 6576 was his investment into this seduction fund. Money well spent, huh? One thing that surely minimizes his chances of ‘scoring’ a girl to zero is that he let this desperate news go public!

Reason 6: Adobe Photoshop: To deny that Photoshop has not changed your life will be like living in a self-denial mode  of Miss Mayawati on Julian Assange’s Wiki leaks cable about she sending a jet plane back to her home only to get her chappals back. WTF?  she should have kept her mouth shut because it’s irrelevant whether those were highly customized Bathroom chappals or not.
 Photoshop has evolved with the dynamic needs of our Indian male population ranging from the need to look fair without using a SPF 30 Sunscreen, to saving up money on getting braces from a dentist for those monstrous teeth. It has liberated men of our generation from the shackles of the obligation of bathing, shampooing hairs, shaving, exercising, eating healthy food etc. This one tool will always be remembered as  the turning point in the history of mankind. It’s the only savior of male population in an era where you can’t even manage to get a girl to look at you because she’s busy finding her Prince Charming on facebook with thousands of clicks scrolling over display pics of guys (stalkers) in her flooded friend requests tab.

Reason 5: Mutual understanding among the members of the fairer sex: Facebook is usually blamed for being a biased social networking platform. For every character that a female writes as her status update, she gets an average 21 likes and 15 comments. Even a simple “.” posted as a status update by a female can cause a deluge of comments of concern from male counterparts. And we all know what happens when a dude writes something similar. :P Nevertheless, I recently came to know about the symbiotic relationship among girl-friends in context of display pics of facebook. They have a general consensus on liking, re-liking, re-re-liking a display pic of their girl-friends only to ensure that her DP is there on the top most section of your facebook newsfeed called “Top-News”. In fact, I came to know that the best way to keep your DP on the top in “Top News” section is to tell your friends to like it, and then unlike it only to re-like it again and so on. The same tactics follows for ‘comments’ as a natural corollary from the Laws of Facebook-ing. On the contrary, boys can never be this intelligent and hence they are nowhere close to winning this Cyber survival race unless they develop similar Advanced mutual cooperation mechanisms. Guys, I think you all got the message, right?

Reason 4: Gillette’s doomed campaign:

Gillette’s Shave India Campaign was put to shame by our masculinity which refused to shave off those facial hairs that not only hurts your persona but also the imagination of a woman who never tells her husband to shave it off because it brutally bruises her even when she thinks of you being intimate. 

http://www.shaveindia.com/pressrelease.php

http://adformula.blogspot.com/2009/12/gillette-mach-3-shave-india-movement.html

It's utterly stupid to not to shave if such pretty faces are convincing you to.

Reason 3: Bodyguard: After Freedom Fighters and Defense personnel, the only people I respect from the bottom of my heart  are those 64 people who survived the inevitable wrath of this movie in theatre  and had the courage to take all those bullets in their brains. They had the sense of duty, courage and urgency in the times of national crisis which motivated them to write their last words as reviews before dying of mental trauma on www.imdb.com  for this movie, to avert this national disaster. May their soul, RIP!

Reason 2: Rakhi: This one name use to remind me of a pious festival….until… she came into Bollywood. Life has never been the same. Honestly, It is still hard to believe that a female and her Cosmetic Surgeon is unable to understand the difference between a cosmetic surgery intended for humane-seduction and that of an alien species. They say that “less is more” and “some things are better left unsaid”. That should suffice here for the absence of my further comments.

Reason 1: Recession: Come on! It’s still in vogue to blame anything that human mankind has not been able to achieve on this 9 letter word.

  *peace*