Top Gym Characters!

A gym is a dynamic place where you can find all variants of homo sapiens. It has everything you need and they are ample in number to pay heed. Every one over there is unique and I could not help but to mention it:

The-Stinky-guy: This guy quite literally stinks. Either a workout on a machine next to him or on a machine he previously used, it simply is intolerable. He usually has a messed up bunch of clothings of which anyone can be used as Weapons of Mass Destruction. Looking at him from a distance, you wonder how Earth would be a better place to live without this creature’s presence.

The Receptionist/ Sexy Pouncing Kitten: This girl will be the Cleopatra of your Utopian gym. Just like the Rosie Huntington from the movie Transformers 3 who wakes Shia LaBeouf up from his slumber with a cosmetically enhanced smile. And I know for a fact that right then, Every guy sitting in the 3D theatre was involuntarily leaning in front of the screen only have their fantasy shattered. And come on! Whose girlfriend wakes her guy with a fitted mini skirt and a slippery lip gloss on? It defies common sense! But we still love to drool over the fantasy. This receptionist/kitten will give you a sudden jolt of confidence in your masculinity. Her job there is to flirt strategically with you, so as to leave you with the fantasy of an absurd thought that she “kinda” likes you. This boost of testosterone will be enough to compel you into paying another visit to her before you make up your mind to spend 10K or more, on that gym. And if you aren’t, she will give you an actual demo and walkthrough of the Spa, Sauna section etc to seal the deal. Trust me, it works on your fantasies like a charm (you bet, she knows that too?).  Finally, you leave the gym thinking that you have found your new love only to get shock of your life the next day when she barely recognizes you. Now, don’t you blame her, okay? Attracting gym clients is what her job is!

The-Alpha-Male-Trainer: This guy resembles a character from the movie 300 and will not only be the centre of attention of all females  in there, but of yours too. However, you will focus on him for an entirely different set of reasons that will range from his facial feature, accent, intelligence related flaws etc. Your ego will not let you get bogged down in front of his physical stature. Nevertheless, you know you’ll try only to fail in the end. This spirit of competition seeded by envy usually inspires you to lift 15 kg dumbells. I bet you know what happens next? You sit tight at home with a muscle tear for a month which does nothing to ameliorate your sordid vengeance on him.

 The-Flirty-teen-girl : This girl will hog almost all the time of a good trainer. She will intentionally ask all irrelevant ways to exercises and will flutter her eyelids when the trainer would keenly answer to her questions to capture him in a mesmerizing trance.

The-Yoga-Girl: This dream woman would seem to be the Rubber Guy’s sister from “Fantastic Four”. Her flexibility will do nothing to motivate you into exercising more.Instead, she may infact be the biggest reason for your distraction. She keeps reminding you of the adult stuff that you never got to see live. To make matter worse, she will do all sorts of flexible stretchings, aasanas  that will leave you bedazzled and will make you sleep lesser that night.

The Pervert Hustler: This guy will make every possible orgasmic grunts while lifting a 2 kg dumble. Of course, he is under an impression that it attracts the attention from the opposite sex. He will stare at a girl’s ass jogging on treadmill as if he is trying to focus on her ass as a way to hypnotize her. He will ensure that he wears the least amount of clothes while he works out and will have John Abraham’s Underwear teasing scene’s Wallpaper from the song "Shup up and Bounce!" in his mobile phone. Needless to say, please watch out (guys especially).Prevention is better than cure. You never know who this predator might be preying on!

The-Attention-Seeking-Mom: She can be readily identified as a woman with a sports bra with minimum clothing over it and hotpants. She will spend most of her time in the heavy weight training section or trainer’s room asking for help on exercises in a hope to attract the greener pastures. To top it, she will ensure that her revealing cleavage shines everyday with  some shiny gloss that just makes her look all the more repulsive.

The Celebrity Trainer: This is the guy you will get to hear about the most and is obviously popular in the gym. He will be there in the gym twice the amount you would see other trainers in there. He will have all the latest sports gear and equipments with him and you could spot him in the same place on Sundays because he has no friends/acquaintances outside gym.

The Bat-Woman-Girl: She would look like a female version of Arnold Schwarzenegger. She will wear revealing outfit showing her ripped abdominal cuts and nowhere-to-be-found assets. This woman is too intimidating for anyone to approach because the repercussions of pissing her off are really serious.

The-Disproportionate-Assets-Guy: For some strange reason, you will notice his obsession with only ONE muscle of his body. He will work on that muscle unabated because of which he ends up looking like a disproportionate alien. Usually, you can identify that muscle instantly just by looking at him for a second.

The-Girl-With-a-Tattoo: She will grab hold of your wild imaginations that are unraveled every time you watch Kat-Von-D in L.A. Ink. She will look like the local and more affordable Goth-girlfriend version of Christina Scabbia. Her mysterious charm will attract and freak you out at the same time. You would want to go and talk to her but you will always know that your plans will backfire if you try to outsmart this girl through your obsolete art of flirting.

The-Skinny-Girl: She is thinner than kareena kapoor and yet is unstoppable when it comes to doing aerobic exercises. She comes to the gym only to get the male stares and to flaunt her perfectly fitting lycra tights to the other not-so-thin girls.

The-Permanent-Customer-Girl: This girl for some unknown reasons never seem to grow thin after hours of treadmill running and power training. She will elude all the laws of Biomechanics and Biochemistry and will restore your faith in Paranormal Institutions. You will see her being there in the gym 24X7 but would never see a change in her look. All Murhy’s  Laws will seem an exception to her. She is the one Gym managers craves for as she pays 20 percent share of the annual gym revenue.

The-Texting-Girl: You will know about her obsession with texting when you will see her struggling hard to find her phone while running on a treadmill to text her boyfriend that she’s exhausted and is fainting, even before pulling the ‘emergency stop’ plug. Repercussions of jogging/running beside such a girl could be tragic as you might find how pathetic his boyfriend’s life is, when she gets along with you  somehow and you have to reply to her annoying text messages every minute of your waking/sleeping hour. This girl will surely have a full on make up and is aware of the pace at which she should exercise so as to avoid sweating and ruining her make up. Besides texting, i-pod is the only field of expertise she has, to her credit.

The-Wrong-Timing-Guy:  This guy will come over and start a conversation just when you saw the hottie jogging  on the treadmill walking up to the water cooler. He will always spoil all your chances of striking up a conversation or using a cheesy pickup lines that you secretly read from one of those DIY( Do It Yourself) Flirting books that you have downloaded from torrents. Only you will understand the pain of keeping those e books hidden in some dark crevices of your laptop so nobody comes to know how desperate you really are. This guy will invariably spill your beans right when you don’t want anybody to.

The-Sweet-Sixteen-Looking-Aunty: This woman in her forties will have you amazed at her sleek and sharp features and at the same time, despise her husband out of your own self-loathing and jealousy. Even the most sophisticated mathematical equations won’t be enough to prove that something this bizarre could happen with non-celebrity people like her. You’ll burn to ashes once in a while when you will see your Alpha Male Trainer paying extra attention to her customized exercise schedule and will unnecessarily whine about your trainer not performing his duties well enough.

The-Photographer-Guy: You will find him clicking more pictures in the gym mirrors of himself than the number repetitions of any random exercise he does. Of course, he owns the right to click pictures because he’s the one who has a good body, not you. And till then, you will have to be content reading my scribblings until you fall into this category.

photo credits: to respective hyperlinks.