A gym is a dynamic place where you can find all variants of
homo sapiens. It has everything you need and they are ample in number to pay
heed. Every one over there is unique and I could not help but to mention it:
The-Stinky-guy: This guy quite literally stinks. Either a workout on a machine next to him or on a machine he previously used, it simply is intolerable. He usually has a messed up bunch of clothings of which anyone can be used as Weapons of Mass Destruction. Looking at him from a distance, you wonder how Earth would be a better place to live without this creature’s presence.
The Receptionist/ Sexy Pouncing Kitten: This girl will be
the Cleopatra of your Utopian gym. Just like the Rosie Huntington from the
movie Transformers 3 who wakes Shia LaBeouf up from his slumber with a cosmetically
enhanced smile. And I know for a fact that right then, Every guy sitting in the 3D theatre was
involuntarily leaning in front of the screen only have their fantasy shattered.
And come on! Whose girlfriend wakes her guy with a fitted mini skirt and a
slippery lip gloss on? It defies common sense! But we still love to drool over
the fantasy. This receptionist/kitten will give you a sudden jolt of confidence
in your masculinity. Her job there is to flirt strategically with you, so as to
leave you with the fantasy of an absurd thought that she “kinda” likes you.
This boost of testosterone will be enough to compel you into paying another
visit to her before you make up your mind to spend 10K or more, on that gym.
And if you aren’t, she will give you an actual demo and walkthrough of the Spa,
Sauna section etc to seal the deal. Trust me, it works on your fantasies like a
charm (you bet, she knows that too?). Finally, you leave the gym thinking that you have found your new love only to get
shock of your life the next day when she barely recognizes you. Now, don’t you
blame her, okay? Attracting gym clients is what her job is!
The-Alpha-Male-Trainer: This guy resembles a character from the movie 300 and will not only be the centre
of attention of all females in there,
but of yours too. However, you will focus on him for an entirely different set
of reasons that will range from his facial feature, accent, intelligence related flaws etc. Your ego will not let you get bogged down in front of his physical
stature. Nevertheless, you know you’ll try only to fail in the end. This spirit of
competition seeded by envy usually inspires you to lift 15 kg dumbells. I bet you know
what happens next? You sit tight at home with a muscle tear for a month which
does nothing to ameliorate your sordid vengeance on him.
The-Flirty-teen-girl : This girl will hog almost all the time of a good trainer. She will intentionally
ask all irrelevant ways to exercises and will flutter her eyelids when the trainer
would keenly answer to her questions to capture him in a mesmerizing trance.
The-Yoga-Girl: This dream woman would seem to be the Rubber
Guy’s sister from “Fantastic Four”. Her flexibility will do nothing to motivate
you into exercising more.Instead, she may infact be the biggest reason for your
distraction. She keeps reminding you of the adult stuff that you never got to see live. To make matter worse, she will do all sorts of flexible
stretchings, aasanas that will leave you
bedazzled and will make you sleep lesser that night.
The Pervert Hustler: This guy will make every possible
orgasmic grunts while lifting a 2 kg dumble. Of course, he is under an
impression that it attracts the attention from the opposite sex. He will stare at a girl’s ass jogging on treadmill as if he is trying to focus
on her ass as a way to hypnotize her. He will ensure that he wears the least amount of
clothes while he works out and will have John Abraham’s Underwear teasing
scene’s Wallpaper from the song "Shup up and Bounce!" in his mobile phone. Needless to say, please watch out (guys
especially).Prevention is better than cure. You never know who this predator
might be preying on!
The-Attention-Seeking-Mom: She can be readily identified as
a woman with a sports bra with minimum clothing over it and hotpants. She will
spend most of her time in the heavy weight training section or trainer’s room
asking for help on exercises in a hope to attract the greener pastures. To
top it, she will ensure that her revealing cleavage shines everyday with some shiny gloss that just makes her look all
the more repulsive.
The Celebrity Trainer: This is the guy you will get to hear
about the most and is obviously popular in the gym. He will be there in the gym
twice the amount you would see other trainers in there. He will have all the
latest sports gear and equipments with him and you could spot him in the same
place on Sundays because he has no friends/acquaintances outside gym.
The Bat-Woman-Girl: She would look like a female version of Arnold
Schwarzenegger. She will wear revealing outfit showing her ripped abdominal
cuts and nowhere-to-be-found assets. This woman is too intimidating for anyone
to approach because the repercussions of pissing her off are really serious.
The-Disproportionate-Assets-Guy: For some strange reason, you will notice his obsession with only ONE muscle of his body. He will work on that muscle unabated because of which he ends up looking like a disproportionate alien. Usually, you can identify that muscle instantly just by looking at him for a second.
The-Girl-With-a-Tattoo: She will grab hold of your wild
imaginations that are unraveled every time you watch Kat-Von-D in L.A. Ink.
She will look like the local and more affordable Goth-girlfriend version of Christina Scabbia.
Her mysterious charm will attract and freak you out at the same time. You would
want to go and talk to her but you will always know that your plans will
backfire if you try to outsmart this girl through your obsolete art of flirting.
The-Skinny-Girl: She is thinner than kareena kapoor and yet
is unstoppable when it comes to doing aerobic exercises. She comes to the gym
only to get the male stares and to flaunt her perfectly fitting lycra tights to the other not-so-thin girls.
The-Permanent-Customer-Girl: This girl for some unknown
reasons never seem to grow thin after hours of treadmill running and power
training. She will elude all the laws of Biomechanics and Biochemistry and will
restore your faith in Paranormal Institutions. You will see her being there in
the gym 24X7 but would never see a change in her look. All Murhy’s Laws will seem an exception to her. She is the one Gym managers craves for as she pays 20 percent share of the annual gym revenue.
The-Texting-Girl: You will know about her obsession with texting
when you will see her struggling hard to find her phone while running on a
treadmill to text her boyfriend that she’s exhausted and is fainting, even
before pulling the ‘emergency stop’ plug. Repercussions of jogging/running beside
such a girl could be tragic as you might find how pathetic his boyfriend’s
life is, when she gets along with you somehow and you have to reply to her annoying text
messages every minute of your waking/sleeping hour. This girl will surely have
a full on make up and is aware of the pace at which she should exercise so as
to avoid sweating and ruining her make up. Besides texting, i-pod is the only
field of expertise she has, to her credit.
The-Wrong-Timing-Guy: This guy will come over and start a
conversation just when you saw the hottie jogging on the treadmill walking up to the water
cooler. He will always spoil all your chances of striking up a conversation or
using a cheesy pickup lines that you secretly read from one of those DIY( Do It
Yourself) Flirting books that you have downloaded from torrents. Only you will
understand the pain of keeping those e books hidden in some dark crevices of your laptop
so nobody comes to know how desperate you really are. This guy will invariably
spill your beans right when you don’t want anybody to.
The-Sweet-Sixteen-Looking-Aunty: This woman in her forties
will have you amazed at her sleek and sharp features and at the same time, despise her husband out of your own self-loathing and jealousy. Even the most
sophisticated mathematical equations won’t be enough to prove that something
this bizarre could happen with non-celebrity people like her. You’ll burn to
ashes once in a while when you will see your Alpha Male Trainer paying extra
attention to her customized exercise schedule and will unnecessarily whine
about your trainer not performing his duties well enough.
The-Photographer-Guy: You will find him clicking more
pictures in the gym mirrors of himself than the number repetitions of any random
exercise he does. Of course, he owns the right to click pictures because he’s
the one who has a good body, not you. And till then, you will have to be
content reading my scribblings until you fall into this category.
